Steve Zone 9000

About Steve

Steve is the guy who shows up with extra batteries, a mixtape labeled FINAL_FINAL_2, and a calm confidence that makes dial-up sound fast.

ONLINE Roomba charged Mood radical Mets hat loaded Jets losing

Steve Cool Meter

Current reading: 0% -> 100%. Scientific result: recurring detonation.

Steve Photo Annex

Steve smiling in a bar while holding an orange citation and a police department sign. — Citation Steve: accused of being too powerful for a normal neighborhood tavern.

Steve Sports Wire

Baseball

Expensive Roster 9 Mets 7

A close one, but payroll depth had fresh legs in the late innings.

Football

Preseason Optimism 31 Jets 24

The vibes looked great in warmups. Then the regular season showed up with paperwork.

Hockey

Rangers 4 Islanders 2

The sweaters looked great. The Rangers were rude enough to keep score.

Wrestling

Jar Jar Binks handily destroying Boba Fett

The closest thing that I could probably compare it to, is how back in nineteen ninety eight the Undertaker threw Steve's Mom off Hell in a Cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.